While I am learning a lot about training, nutrition and fitness in general at Crossfit, I am also learning a lot about myself. At 40-years old, I feel pretty good about where I am – I’ve got a good job, I’ve travelled a lot, I’ve got good friends and a very close and supportive family. I’ve achieved a sense of balance that keeps me going and optimistic.
But when it comes to Crossfit, nothing that I have achieved in life seems to prepare me mentally for the 10-15 minutes that I will have to dedicate to any given WOD.I can spend the entire day consulting on multimillion dollar projects – in two languages, yet step into the box and feel like a nervous kid on his first-day back to school again.
Last night during the “Grace” WOD (clean & jerk x30 reps for time, 10-minute cutoff) was a classic example:
Can I do 30 reps?
That’s a lot of weight.
Am I gonna have to go first?
What if I can’t finish before the 10-minute cutoff?
What if I drop the bar on my head?
Because of the 10-minute rotations last night, Sam asked me to jump into the 2nd heat instead of the 3rd heat as I had planned. That gave me 10-less minutes to mentally prepare (or totally work myself into a panic, take your pick). He even set up a bar for me, asking “are you gonna do 115lbs?”.
I didn’t really answer…I think I might have mumbled something.
Sam kinda looked up at me and said “yeah, you got 115”.
The decision was done. 115lbs.
Why couldn’t I have made that decision on my own?
Why does this box turn me into such a psycho?
Sam totally made the right call – 115lbs. Neal and the other guys helped me get the 30 reps done and it was both a physical release and a mental relief.
Anyway, the minutes leading up to the start of the WOD are always the most stressful part of my day. Seriously. Forget the mortgage, traffic, conference calls and deadlines – it’s the few minutes of pre-WOD prep that can totally screw with my head. How heavy? Who should I partner with? Can I do this? Can I sneak out the back without being noticed? Where’s my water bottle?
While I have seen improvements in my strength and endurance since starting Crossfit, I have not yet learned to conquer these questions and doubts.
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2 comments:
Sorry haven't been able to comment until now--no sleep and tons of mentally dulling work this past weekend kept me from making any coherent, relevant responses to your post.
I completely empathize with you about the mental challenges and difficulties that come with CrossFit. There have been more days than I can count or would like to admit to where I've looked at the posted WOD and felt panic and/or terror seize my innards with cold, jagged fingers. But guess what? I sweat and worry until I'm there, in the box, among my fellow CF'ers, and we talk about life, work, the WOD, our sore aching muscles, and I feel almost relaxed. Almost. It really helps to go early and talk with everyone before the class, especially if you can talk to people who've just gone through it (how we did those few times in the past). I'm very impressed that you used such a heavy weight for all those clean and jerks!!! 30 of anything is mentally and physically tough. I always think back on that one WOD where we did 30 back squats followed by 1000m row. Thought I'd die by the 20th rep!! You got through it, Howard, and you're stonger for it, believe it or not. I still have to make that one up--it was my rest day. I love all the pre-WOD thoughts you have! Don't think about sneaking out!!!!!!!!! :)
See you tonight--this one will be so great because I've been wanting to see what my front squat max is for the LONGEST time. Last time we did that was four months ago! I know I can squat my body weight, but I want to see how much more! :) See you at 7, Howard, and keep your thoughts going but don't let your doubts master you. Master them and tell them to GTFO.
No freakin' way are you 40 years old. I thought you were like 29 or 30 at most...
You did a great job on Grace. Got in a good pace and stuck to it the whole time.
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